http://www.girlshealth.gov/

Parents & Caregivers

Home Parents & Caregivers Illness & disability Helping with emotions and friendships

Helping with emotions and friendships

• Helping with fear and other feelings
• Helping with friends

Helping with fear and other feelings top

A girl with an illness or disability may feel angry about her condition, worry about doctor’s visits, fear not fitting in at school, and struggle with other feelings. She needs your support.

Consider these tips for helping a girl cope:

• Help her talk about how she feels. Tell her you want to listen and that she doesn’t have to worry about upsetting you.
• Teach her to find solutions. Don’t jump in and fix problems. Instead, help her build problem-solving skills. You might brainstorm a list of ideas and ask what she thinks would happen if she tried them.
• Help her to connect with others. Encourage her to reach out. Learn ways to help her build friendships and get support.
• Focus on her interests and successes. Help her appreciate positive areas of her life. Help her find hobbies and activities, which can build skills and friendships.
• Explore healthy ways to deal with stress. Talk about ways she might cope. Does she like to draw, relax in nature, or exercise? You might ask her doctor or school counselor for suggestions. And don’t forget that good sleep and nutrition can help a lot.
• Help her build self-esteem. She can make a list of her strengths, practice new skills, or take more responsibility for parts of her life. She can find more ways to feel good about herself in the girlshealth.gov section on illness and disability.
• Model healthy reactions. When you face problems, show the kind of reaction you would want the girl to have. Even in tough times, try to focus on the positive.

Everyone feels bad at times. But if a girl is struggling, she may need professional help. One-half of all people with mental health conditions develop them by age 14. If these problems aren’t treated, they can get worse — but treatment can really help. Talk to a doctor, school nurse or counselor, or other health professional.

Know the signs of mental health problems in teens. These include:

• Often feeling very angry, sad, or worried
• Changes in sleeping or eating habits
• Problems in school
• Risky behaviors
• Repeated use of alcohol or drugs
• Not wanting to see people or do activities she used to enjoy
• Very strong worry about weight or excessive efforts to lose weight
• Persistent nightmares
• Hurting others, hurting herself, or threatening either of these
• Repeated threats to run away

If a girl talks about suicide, get help right away. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255), call a mental health professional, take her to an emergency room, or call 911. If you think a girl may be suicidal, ask her. You won’t be putting ideas in her head, and you will be showing you care. Learn about the signs of suicide in teens.

Helping with friends top

From BFFs to IMs, relationships can be hugely important to teens. You can help a girl with a health condition build connections. Consider some tips:

• Help her stay in touch with friends if she needs to miss school for a while. Encourage visits and calls. Ask her teacher to have her class send cards or letters.
• Create social opportunities. Suggest hosting a sleepover or an outing. Find ways she can volunteer in the community. Consider camp — she can check out our list of special camps.
• Encourage her to join a support group. Talking with other kids who know how she feels can be great. Ask a school nurse or counselor, doctor, hospital, or state Parent Training and Information Center about groups. Girls also can join online groups.
• Help her learn social skills. Girls can read tips for making friends, dealing with conflict, and more. If you think she needs professional help with specific behaviors, like being very shy or aggressive, you can contact her school counselor or other mental health professional.
• Discuss ways to talk about her condition. She can learn tips for telling friends about her illness or disability. If she wants, she can direct other kids to info on how friends can help.

Dealing with bullying

Girls with an illness or disability may face bullying more often than other girls. And being teased or left out can hurt just as much as physical bullying. Know how to help:

• Recognize signs of bullying. Possible signs include not wanting to go to school, avoiding certain situations, being anxious or moody, and wanting to carry a knife or other form of protection.
• Reach out. If you suspect bullying, bring up the subject. You can talk about your own experiences with bullies. You can ask questions like who she sits with at lunch and if girls are sometimes mean to each other.
• Be supportive. Make sure she knows she doesn’t need to handle this alone and that being bullied is not her fault.
• Work with her school. Schools have a responsibility to help. Some schools have special programs to try to prevent bullying.
• Help her learn more. She can read about what to do when people tease kids with an illness or disability. And she can check out lots of info about bullying.
• Get help. If bullying seems to be taking a toll on her emotions, consider getting support from a mental health professional.
• Learn more. Bullying is a serious problem. Read about other ways to help and about bullying and kids with disabilities.

Content last updated January 7, 2011

top